Friday, May 15, 2009
It's 1:34 a.m. here in N.Y.C. It was my birthday & what a disappointment it was. I live at my mother's with my youngest sister (30 yrs. old), my fiance & my 8 yr. old son. I do the cooking during the weekend. So I had told my mother that I did not want to cook on my birthday. I told her like 2 wks. ago. Well today, I had stepped out for a few hrs., to run an errand. When I came home there were dirty dishes in the sink and no dinner being prepared. It should have been no surprise to me. That's why I had bought chicken thighs to cook and a can of pink beans. I made yellow rice w/beans and steamed chicken. My mother didn't even wish me a happy birthday. And I am her firstborn, dammit! The only one who gave me a gift was my sister who is 1 yr. younger than me. My dad came by & gave me $20. My mother is so damn inconsiderate. Meanwhile for her birthday, christmas & mother's day, I always give her a gift, pick out a nice card & sometimes buy her flowers. Today, I felt like shit, thanks mom!!! I'm so freaking cursed that I even got my damn period on my birthday. This is exactly why I have tried to kill myself twice in the past. My mother knows exactly how to make anyone feel absolutely worthless!!! And the sad part is that she is totally unaware of it all, I think. Today I had a cup of black coffee w/1 tsp. of sugar, a bowl of pineapple, 2 handfuls of dry roasted peanuts in shell, a bowl of steamed mixed vegetables and lots of water all day long. The only good thing of today is that I lost 1 pound! Happy Freaking Birthday to me!!!!!